Last.
Dear You,
Some months ago I wrote my first letter to you. And now here I am, writing my last.
You know how I enjoy writing you letters and put stuff I can’t say out loud. The last things I would want to say to you would be I’m sorry and thank you.
Now let me say I’m sorry. For being stubborn and stupid at times. But I tried to be what you needed me to be, I tried to be the girlfriend you needed. Tried. But failed. Sorry I wasn’t sweet enough or caring enough. Sorry I wasn’t enough.
I feel like I pushed you away. Sorry to how much I contributed on how things ended. Sorry I stopped trying. Sorry I got tired.
Sorry.
And thank you for loving me. Without a doubt, there were moments when you made me the happiest I have ever been. I was reminded that I could reach that level of happiness brought by someone else. Thank you for making me feel loved. Not perfectly, but enough for me.
Thank you for sharing life with me. Our time wasn’t long, but it meant a great deal to me. Thank you for sharing cold beers, loyal friends, up to your wonderful family to me. It was a wonderful feeling to share these kinds of treasures with you. Your mom is a sweetheart. Thank you for giving me the gift of knowing these good people.
Thank you for the friendship. For fun nights and crazy laughters. For the inside jokes and nicknames only us would understand. I enjoyed the silly plans we made, and the promises we told which will forever be unfulfilled. Thank you for being a fun boyfriend.
Thank you for the arguments, the petty and the big fights. These conflicts humbled me, I didn’t want to win all the time anymore, I just wanted us to be okay again. But in the long run, it made me tougher.
Thank you for telling me always to fight. That I could survive with you by my side. And now to fight and go on without you.
Thank you for the distance. The loss of emotional attachement and lack of physical presence. Thank you for the coldness and lonely nights, for the mornings I woke up and slept alone. These moments made me realize that I needed somebody, and it’s okay to admit that I needed you then. Thank you for not missing me when I did, it made me stop feeling too much.
Thank you for being my second love. In that way, I think you’ll always be special to me. You made me believe that I’m strong enough to try again. We were a risk I was so dead scared to take. But I saw in you that maybe we were a shot worth taking.
Thank you for deciding for us, for leaving me. I know it is best for us.
Thank you and I’m sorry.
Please know that months or years from now, whenever I will hear news about you, I will be happy for you. I will be proud of you. Today, I still remain on your team… I remain to be your fan and supporter. Maybe just not in the same degree anymore. I will keep you in a special place in my heart where no one else could go.
Know that I wish you well, I really do. May you find what you are looking for.
I know you’ll come back home. Just not to me. And that’s okay.
-M.
